January 20, 2009

I received this on an email and I want to share it. The story is so similar to Amaree's that it really moves me and I have a hard time reading it without crying.

The Smell of Rain

A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery. Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news. That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Cesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing. At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature. Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs. "I don't think she's going to make it," he said, as kindly as he could. "There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one" Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived. She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.

Amaree on September 6, 2008, one week old, before her heart surgery, and weighing about 2 lbs.

"No! No!" was all Diana could say. She and David, with their 5- year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four. Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away. But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana. Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love. All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl. There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger. But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there. At last, when Dana turned two months old her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time. And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.

Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life. She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story. One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing. As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent. Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, "Do you smell that?" Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, "Yes, it smells like rain." Dana closed her eyes and again asked, "Do you smell that?" Once again, her mother replied, "Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain." Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, "No, it smells like Him. It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest." Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along. During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.

Amaree was 1 lb, 15 oz, and was 14 in long. She was 26 weeks and it was seven weeks before we could hold her, and a few more before we could hold her for more than a few minutes at a time. I can't imagine that a loving Heavenly Father would send one of his precious children down into a situation like that and then abandon them. He loves his children and would be and will be there to comfort them. We know that it wasn't just Him who was there, but also family members from behind the veil. We felt strongly that there were great-grandparents, and great aunt and uncles who were there comforting her and protecting and watching over her.

I like this story because it has a happy ending, and also, every baby that is sent to these tiny, underdeveloped bodies must be surround by angels. I wonder what the nurses must feel at times, and if they ever feel the spirits surrounding those special spirits.

Amaree on January 15, 2009, weighing about 7 lbs, 12 oz.

I feel so changed by this experience. I am not sure how to share all that I have learned. I am not sure if my new knowledge is just for me or if I am supposed to help someone. I know that each experience is unique, and yet I have learned so much. I am struggling because I don't know who to talk to who has even had anything similar happen. I have talked to some people who have had babies in the NICU for a few days, and even a few weeks, but it isn't like having a child there for months. I don't want to minimize their experience because it is just awful to have to be there at all, but their experiences are usually just so much less extreme, and they usually had some warning or some indication that there was a problem. I think one of the reasons I still struggle is that it happened so fast. We didn't have warning or even know that there was any problem. I know that we were blessed and she got to come home weeks earlier than expected, but it is still such a painful and traumatic event in my life that has affected and changed me very deeply.